Marriages are supposed to last until “death do us part.” However, many marriages end long before that. Often, the first step in the divorce process has been separation. According to marriage separation statistics up to 3% of all adults were separated. Separation has always been viewed as a precursor to divorce. The reality, however, is that a separation can be a good thing. If approached properly, it can significantly improve a marriage. It is for this reason that more and more couples are choosing to follow this path. The Magic of Making Up will show you how to repair a relationship before it is too late. It is very important that both people in the relationship understand what to do and what NOT to do during a separation in order to leave the possibility of mending a relationship intact.
Undoubtedly it does sound ironical to say that a marriage separation can be used to bring a husband and wife closer together. The trick, as mentioned, is in the approach. So how exactly are couples supposed to approach the big “S” word so as to make it work for the betterment of their marriage? The Magic of Making Up offers several marriage separation guidelines that will prove crucial in “leaving the door open” for a reunification.
Here are some of the specific recommendations in The Magic of Making Up. Set clear goals — one of the most destructive things you can ever do in a marriage is assume that your partner knows exactly what you want and when you want it. The same is true when it comes to separations. Don’t think that your partner automatically knows what you are hoping to achieve from the separation. The two of you need to sit down and talk things out. Make sure that both of you agree that the reason the separation is taking place is because you need to make your marriage better.
Be clear and reasonable. In order for a separation to bear fruits, there needs be rules and these rules need to be followed to the letter by both parties. This will go a long way in maintaining trust between the two of you. Think about the issue of communication frequency. For example, will it be on a daily basis or once a week? You need to understand that not all your expectations will be met. The other half may not be too comfortable with some of your terms and vice versa. Both of you, therefore, will have to make sacrifices and cede some ground in order to make the marriage work.
Separations are never easy and so it might be a good idea to get help from someone you can trust. Now it is very important to ensure that the third party involved in overseeing your separation is a person that both of you are fully comfortable with. It is not advisable to go for relatives and mutual friends as they might be biased and this could mess up everything. Some people to consider for the role of separation overseer include religious leaders, counselors and lawyers. If you decide to stop communicating with each other during your separation, your marriage may end up disintegrating completely. Therefore, make sure that you get in touch with each other from time to time. It doesn’t have to be on a face-to-face basis; regular emails, texts and calls will do just fine.
Something else that the magic of Making Up discusses is the issue of marriage separation with kids. One of the biggest mistakes couples make when they decide to take a break is assuming that their kids are none the wiser. Here’s something that you need to understand; whether your children are 3 or 20 years old, they will eventually find out that something is wrong. They may not raise their concerns with you but be sure that they will know. If you decide to keep the separation a secret from your kids in the name of protecting them from hurt, you could end up doing even more damage. One of the things that kids have a tendency of doing when they know that something is wrong between their parents, but no one seems to want to come clean is resort to destructive behavior. Teenagers, for example, may decide to start abusing drugs and alcohol. It is your duty to make your child feel that they can trust you to be honest with them in those uncertain times. Your children should also feel that they can talk to you i.e. you should always be ready to hear what they have to say. They have to be able to discuss their concerns with you without any fear of reprimand.
The Magic Of Making Up suggests two marriage separation rules that should never be broken: Both of you will still be responsible for your kids. You should never hand over your kids to a third party during the separation period. It is your responsibility to ensure that they are well taken care of at all times. This means that they should never have to worry about where they are going to sleep; what they’ll eat or if they will be able to continue with school.
Also, both parties need to respect each other’s wishes. If you agree that you will be communicating once a week, don’t try to sneak in a few extra calls or show up at your partner’s residence without invite. The Magic of Making Up will help you with your marriage trial separation. Both of you need to be very certain from the beginning of your marriage separation agreement about what you want to achieve at the end of it all. The Magic of Making Up will help guide you through the process of doing all you can do to end a marriage separation and return to a loving marriage.